Listening

Something happened this week, someone told me "thank you." It wasn't just a "thanks for coming to our event" or "thanks for doing that for me," it was a genuine "THANK YOU." There weren't very many more words, something about how he could "feel it the moment you and your kids walked in the door." It was a thank you for being a mother, a thank you for sharing a part of yourself with your kids and with others, a thank you for being present which is so different than simply being here. 

We live in a culture that is burnt out, rushed, and exhausted. We don't take the time to thank people...but we also don't take time to listen. I feel like I'm constantly hearing Moms talk about feeling judged by others, or hearing someone's cynical words while they are trying to get their crazy kids through a grocery store and stay somewhat sane themselves...but maybe the reason we don't hear a "thanks" is because that's a little harder. Our culture tells us that humility is looking down on yourself, but there was something very humbling in the moment that person told me "thank you." And taking the moment to listen made me vulnerable, more vulnerable than I would have been if I had been criticized. Criticism would have resulted in me feeling annoyed or just brushing it off, I know how to protect myself from that and feel justified complaining about it to others...but appreciation...that's harder. Accepting appreciation means I need to let it in...opening myself up to the other.

It's not the first time some has looked me in the eye and said something along those lines. In fact I feel I've been hearing it more and more. Maybe I look like I need it more these days, or maybe it's just that I am open. As I told you in January, my word for the year is "listen" so maybe I've heard people say "thanks" or "you are doing a good job" my whole life but it wasn't until now that I took the time to actually listen.

California Living

ANOTHER Post that I wrote and then never posted...it should be dated March 2014.

Knowing that we will be moving to Washington in the next year or so, makes us appreciate California weather even more!

We can go to a park and play in the sunshine on New Years' Day.

Anellah and Grandpa A (Royal)

We can plan outdoor birthday parties year round, even in January.

One of the only photos from Capper's birthday party

We enjoy daffodils blooming in February.

We can sunbathe and enjoy the kiddie pool in March.

And when it rains, it's an adventure!

A Little Pirate Turns 5!

This past week we had a pirate-themed birthday party for Miss Anellah. She had a great time and played the part well although she is a very friendly pirate. The party was complete with costumes and treasure boxes for the kids, a balance beam to "walk the plank", a game of "pirate ball pick-up", a tattoo parlor, pirate ship hot dogs, a watermelon treasure chest of jewels (melon balls, watermelon balls, and red/green grapes), sea water (water bottles with new labels), dried seaweed snacks, Pirates Booty, and pirate ship cupcakes.

Anellah is becoming quite a hostess and seems to be inheriting some of my enjoyment of being a hostess. She absolutely loves to help in the kitchen, she enjoys getting invitations and decorations ready (cutting, gluing, etc), and serves others well at the actual event. She even helps clean up before and after! Here are some photos of the big day:

Practicing "Walking the Plank" the day before the party on the balance beam Daddy made for her

Baking Cupcakes the Day before

Here's how the pirate ships turned out.

Ahoy matey! Line up, time to pirate ship hot dogs! (Sadly all the work Anellah put in making the sails for the hot dogs and we didn't get any photos! Of them!)

6 out of the 11 pirates who attended

The wind kept blowing out her candles but Anellah had a good attitude about PRETENDING to blow them out.

Capper was absolutely exhausted by the end and, for the first time in weeks, didn't fight taking a nap.

Capper Is Two

NOTE: I thought I posted this back in January but evidently it never actually posted. So here it is.

Every year, on my children's birthday, I write them a letter. I figure by the time they are 18 it will be quite a book that they can look back on and see how they've grown. I also think it's important to have something from Mom that is handwritten, in the unlikely event something happens to me they will always have these letters to hold onto. Here is Capper's letter for this year:

If you are unable to view the document due to screen size you can view is via GoogleDocs here.

It's still January, not too late for a New Year's post!

By now you've probably heard of choosing one word to focus on throughout a year rather than getting tied up in a bunch of resolutions you will never really keep. I normally don't do either, I don't make resolutions and I don't choose a word. But this year I wanted to try something new.

I thought about what word I could choose... "here," "present," "grow," "toward," "bloom,""intentional"...I thought about what others had chosen..."with," "seek," "radiant"...And I finally settled on one word.

I tend to be task-oriented. I love people and I love relationships but what I find myself doing is, well, doing things rather than just being present. I sit down to read my Bible and my mind fills with the million tasks I plan to do when I get up. I sit down to read a book to my kids and I remember I forgot to grab them a bedtime snack first. I go on a walk with my kids and I am happy to check "get some exercise" off my list. I sit down to talk to Daniel and I start trying to remember all the things we needed to touch base about. I am working with a Therapist at work to triage a client (determine whether psychiatric hospitalization is necessary) and I am focused on making sure all the boxes on my assessment are complete.

In the midst of all of this, when do I LISTEN? When do I listen to what my kids are really saying when they are misbehaving? When do I listen to how my husband's day was and not just try to tell him about my own? When do I actually listen to the people at the gas station asking us for money? When do I listen to the parent of the child at the park that Anellah has just become best friends with? When do I listen to GOD rather than just asking him for my laundry list of requests?

We are now twenty two days into the New Year and I can definitely say I have been stretched. I shouldn't be surprised that the man in Walgreens seemed genuinely thankful we stopped and talked to him for a minute. That I let my kids pet his mangy dog. I shouldn't be surprised how difficult it is to still my mind and listen to what God may be telling me in the moment or through the day's circumstances. I shouldn't be surprised that maybe my kids "difficult" behaviors may stem from my own actions.

I am excited to see how God uses this act of listening...this act of putting aside what I want to do or say and really taking the time to hear others. I am excited to see how this changes our marriage.

How are your 2014 goals going? Do you, after almost a month, still remember what they are?

Getting Crafty

Confession: I don't like playing with my kids...ok maybe that sounds a bit harsh. In reality it is that I try to play with them but I get bored. I get tired of always being the teacher while my student, "Buh-Nella" tells me what activity is next and I get tired of holding Capper upside down to tickle him relentlessly. I like forts...for a few minutes but then I am ready to clean the floors because sitting on the floors makes me realize how filthy they are.

I know that is is important to play with my kids and I am thankful to have the luxury of time to do it. So I've developed a compromise. With the help of Pinterest I have a stash of fun activities in my mind. When I realize that we have 30 minutes or so we can do something fun instead of me trying pacify the kids while I cook, or clean, or check my email. Ironically, I find that when I play with the kids or do activities with them before they begin attention-seeking, I am then rewarded with some time later in the day where they are happy to play by themselves or play with each other. It's almost like they need their quota of Mommy's attention for the day and then they're content.

Here are some of the activities we have been doing lately:

Thanksgiving Turkeys

Blocks- not actually a craft project but it can use some creative juices. I made the "house" on the left and Anellah was copying it perfectly!

We were sewing a table runner together...it turned into a hat for a bit.

Anellah loves her "goo" It's the consistency of Gak. You can find a recipe here.

Glowstick Lantern

"So you're moving?"

A few months ago I posted on Facebook that we are officially moving to Washington. The timeline, however, is to be determined. Since then it has come up frequently as a topic of conversation both in our home and with friends. I feel very ambivalent about moving, there is so much that I love about living in Oakland. We have a church that is truly a community, Anellah's preschool teacher and staff are a God-send, I have a job that is perfect for our current needs, Anellah is well established with her medical providers, it's sunny almost every day, we have very close friends, we can grow plenty in our garden, our home is beautiful, our neighbors rock, the list goes on...

Painting with Friends yesterday

BUT there is a BIG thing missing, we don't have family here. I guess I never really understood the family connection until I moved away and started a family of my own. But now that I have, I see that I connect with relatives (whether related by blood, adoption, or marriage) in a way that I can't connect with friends.

Playing with Cousin Sophie on our trip to Washington last month

Ice Cream with Cousin Eloise

Daniel and I often talk about moving and ask ourselves, "How are we going to make this move work? How are we going to pry ourselves away from this fantastic place while our kids are still young enough to need the free babysitting that grandparents offer?" We've come to the conclusion that there are three steps. Here is our specific plan, I am sure you will find it enlightening:

Step number one- a job for Daniel in Washington. Well I can't even say that is "pending" but we're working on it.

Capper "working" in our back yard

Step number two- find a place to live. This one IS pending, we have some property and we are working on permitting to build our future home.

It doesn't look like much yet, but this is our future home!

Step number three- move.

So there's your update on our future plans, as you can see they are set securely in mud.