Artful Ashes

The week of Anellah's birthday, a dear friend presented us with a hand-blown glass orb which contained some of Anellah's ashes. It is so beautiful and such a wonderful keepsake that I decided to have another made for my Mom for Mother's Day. The owners of Artful Ashes in Seattle are a kind and generous couple and welcomed us in to their studio to watch the new orb being made. Capper even had the opportunity to sift the ashes. Watching the orb take shape was amazing and beautiful, the artists worked with grace and skill transforming molten glass into a piece of art. The photos really don't do the experience justice!


Safety first! We all had to wear glasses, thankfully Evelyn always carries accessories!

Getting a glob of 700 degree glass

Beginning to shape the glass

Sifting the ashes

Creating the spiral

After the colors and ashes are added, it is dipped again in clear glass to seal the ashes

This graceful artists creates a perfect sphere

 

Cooling the glass slightly and scoring it to remove it from the pole

A simple but perfect tap allows the orb to fall off onto a soft bed. It's reheated slightly to smooth out the bottom.

Into the kiln to cool slowly over 72 hours

Finished product (again, the photo doesn't do it justice!)

If you have an interest in having your loved one's ashes memorialized in this way, visit www.artfulashes.com

His Prescence in the Pendulum

Isn't it interesting to look back? Look back and remind yourself of His Faithfulness? I remember hearing the hymn, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" over and over in my mind as I was in the PICU with Anellah during her last hours. When I knew she would never come home, I knew He was faithful. A year and a half ago it seemed like everything in our lives was getting in order. We lived where we wanted to live, we had our three kids, our oldest was in kindergarten, we were choosing flooring and finishing details on the plans for our house, Daniel had a good job and I was focused on savoring our last newborn. But a year ago, that all changed. Our house plans were on hold while we struggled with bureaucracy, Daniel still had a good job but was starting to get burned out, we now only had two kids and had no clue if we were going to have more someday. Amidst the grief over the loss of our daughter, there was the grief of where we thought we were headed in life, and discovering that that had all come to a crashing halt.

Currently, our house site doesn't look like much!

So here we are again, just one year later. Again, we are a family of five. This time with Sweetie here to keep life just crazy enough to remind me that I'm not in control. Daniel has a job he really enjoys. I have more than enough paying work to keep me busy while still spending lots of time as a Mom. And our house...it is finally moving forward. Today we submitted for building permits! Just in time for regulations to change on Monday. We've requested that our application be expedited which is expensive but worth the cost if it means we can begin digging a foundation before winter rather than waiting until next spring.

Here we are again, with kids who love life, kids who know how to remind you that you are a fool for thinking you have life figured out, kids who remind you that the struggle to "control your anger" is real...for them and for me! Four months ago I prayed that God would prepare us for our foster placement and prepare him or her for us. I don't think anyone could have chosen a better fit. Sweetie and Capper are stuck like glue. Both are kind of annoyed in the morning if they are the first one up because they have to wait for their playmate to get up before they can REALLY begin their daily adventures!

Part of the reason I wanted to get this in words is to remind myself that God is FAITHFUL. I want so badly to see the future, to KNOW what our family blueprint will be just as I know what our house blueprint will be. I want to know the great plans he has for our family.

How many foster children will pass through our home and how long will they stay? How many kids will we look back on when we are retired and thank God that we could parent them? Will our house ever get built? Will our house stay clean like I envision it being? Will our kids grow up to be healthy and strong and kind? I want someone to answer these questions but instead I need to trust. Remember from January? This is the year of TRUST. So when I begin to doubt, when I begin to feel sorry for myself for the shattered dreams, when I begin to feel anxious about the future, I will choose to trust. Choose to trust that God's got this, and He's not going to let us down.

Overdue Update

Wow, so much has changed since my last post! I've completely been neglecting you guys!

First of all, Capper and Sweetie have definitely turned a corner. They still have their share of squabbles but they also play REALLY WELL together! I actually have extra time some days because they play together so much. The mess is bigger but it's worth it for the entertainment! Sweetie definitely had a case of "school envy" every time Capper went to preschool so we actually decided to withdraw Capper. He has so much fun with her that he was starting to feel ambivalent about school anyway. He loves preschool but he also didn't want to stop whatever imaginary game they were playing at the moment.

Another reason we decided to withdraw Capper is that we found out Sweetie will be living with us for another six months. We're happy because she and Capper are such good friends but it will make the goodbye even harder. It already feels like she is part of the family.

In house news, we FINALLY took a step forward with the county as far as permitting for our house build!! One issue with our property is that it already has a well on it but the well feeds the neighbor's home. The location of that well meant we didn't have room for our house, another well, a septic system, and a back up septic location. Each of these things need to be a minimum distance from each other, from the road, and from the surrounding stream/wetlands. We made one proposal to move the well about a year ago but that was denied. Since that time we worked to create another proposal and submit it this past December. On Friday we were finally notified that our second proposal was accepted!! I think the next step is to apply for our own well and septic design. Then we can apply for building permits. Yippee, we're finally moving forward!!

Growing (Hopefully with Grace)

I'm afraid to type this...for fear they will somehow know...but the 4's are getting along and PLAYING together! We had a honeymoon period for the first 48 hours that Sweetie was here, following that period though it has felt like incessant arguing, tattling, bickering, and complaining from both Capper and Sweetie. Of course there is so much I am thankful for! I am thankful and excited that both Capper and Sweetie have an opportunity to learn to share, compromise, and ignore a peer when appropriate. I am thankful that I am being stretched and learning a whole lot about when to mediate and when to let them battle it out. And I am thankful that our Bible study recently focused on how, after Jesus performed healings and other miracles, he stepped away and refueled with God. I am so thankful for that example because without that refueling I would be running on empty around here.

I am also very thankful that Sweetie has been feeling more comfortable here. Bedtimes have gotten easier and she is less fearful in the night. Last night she didn't wake up and didn't have any bad dreams!!

I was able to talk to her social worker this past week and there is a family member who hopes to adopt Sweetie. Right now we are thinking she will be with us for a month or two, but in the foster care world that doesn't mean a whole lot. Rarely do plans go according to plan.

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, we're excited for this adventure and enjoying everything we are learning. Sweetie is a great addition to the family, regardless of how long she is here!

The Exchange

Well, the meatballs I planned to make for dinner may never get made, we were busy driving to Starbucks at rush hour instead to meet Sweetie (not her real name, obviously). She had fallen asleep in her social worker's car and was NOT interested in waking up when we arrived. It was a strange experience, signing papers in the rain, loading a couple of bags, and taking a child. I wonder what he thought, the man carrying a gas can who had asked for money to fill his tank. Did he continue to watch? Did he know what was happening?

She hardly said a word as I buckled her in our van. But as I pulled out of the parking lot, Capper initiated, "What's your name again?" and that started one of the most adorable conversations ever conducted! I wish I could have recorded their sweet banter as they chattered the whole way home.

The evening was fun, we skipped AWANA so Sweetie could have some time to adjust. It's clear she has been loved and cared for, we don't know her past  story (and won't be sharing it when we do learn it) but I am thankful we get to be part of her current story. As for her future, only God knows how long she will be in our home but we will love her as long as she is with us.

First Placement

Making her a sign while we wait

Oh yes, now I remember. Dealing with the social work system is a whole lot of hurry up and wait!! It felt like forever that we've been assembling paperwork and applying for our foster family home license. On Friday we were told it was granted...then we waited the weekend to hear more. On Monday (right after the last post) a placement worker called but she was easily confused and pretty unorganized so she said she would call back. I waited. She didn't call back Monday, or Tuesday, or this morning...but this afternoon she called again. And within an hour I had a placement letter in my inbox...I guess this means we're getting a child in our home tonight.

What seemed like forever (really only an hour or so) I had another call from the child's social worker saying he was getting her stuff together and he'd be heading out in 15 minutes or so..."Oh! Ok! So I guess I'll see you then." Of course I was late picking Capper up from preschool (I wish I could say it was the first time) and soon we'll meet a little 4 year old girl who needs a home for a month or two.

Let the Royal Expansion Adventure continue!!

Licensed

An email, just a quick note to say that our foster care license was on its way. We had been approved. The Placement Coordinators (social workers seeking homes for the children brought into care) would be notified. It came during our drive to Great Wolf Lodge for our family adventure celebrating Capper's 4th birthday. What a great time we had, swimming, splashing, eating ice cream, and playing! But I kept wondering- what would it be like if we had another in tow? Who will be joining our family soon?

We are back in the waiting game. Waiting for someone to call or email seeking a home for a wee one (or two). I imagine what it will be like, but the images keep changing, will we welcome a baby? A toddler? A preschooler? Our license is for up to two children ages 0-6 years old. I wonder how long they will be with us. Will it be for a week or two? Maybe a few months. Maybe a few years. Maybe we will adopt them into our family forever.

On the drive home Daniel and I touched on the ambivalent feelings we have. On what it may feel like if they leave our home. A lot will depend on where they go from us. A lot will depend on how long they are with us. But we will choose to support their transition, even if we don't agree with it, we will choose to support the children who enter our home and the journey that the court system sets them on. We will do what we can to adjust that journey, but sometimes I think we may just have to swallow our feelings and choose to support their journey.

There was a time when I sought to control every part of my life...but we are at a place where I've long  loosened my grasp. In 2 Kings 13 we can read of a young ruler who was grieved, knowing the prophet Elisha was at the end of his life. Elisha told him to throw down arrows. The ruler threw three and Elisha became upset, saying he should have thrown 5 or 6. You see Elisha was a prophet who held nothing back with God. He was persistent and he made lofty requests. Did this young ruler have 5 or 6 arrows in his quiver? Did he hold on to a few, keeping them in case they were needed? I recently heard this story and was  challenged to hold nothing back, keep no arrows in my quiver but exhaust all that God has given me. Afterward, Daniel and I talked, we felt we could honestly say we're throwing all of our arrows right now. This is the year for TRUST, this is the year that we throw all our arrows and see what God brings about. I have a feeling we might embark on quite a ride this year, but just a Capper felt at the end of the huge waterslide at Great Wolf Lodge, I know we'll be glad we took the risk!