Six Last Saturday

Saturday was six months. Six months since we came home to an unmade bed. Six months since we brought the Hello Kitty stuffie home with nobody to love on it. On Saturday it was six months since being a family of five.

A lot has changed in these few months. I've sought God a lot, wondering what His plans for our family are. A year ago I thought we'd be in our forever home by now,  filling it with our family and I'd be back to work at least part time. But we are here, in our temporary home, waiting for the county to do yet another expensive land study that we have to pay for in order to hopefully apply for building permits. I am back to work, but just a bit here and a bit there, spending time with kids jumped way up on the priority list. We aren't living as a family of five, we're thinking about what God might be leading us to though. We have finished all the paperwork, physicals, and four days of trainings to apply for our foster care homestudy. We are excited to see who God brings into our home and for how long.

To say I'm not grieved and disappointed about the revision of these dreams would be a lie. But I can honestly say that I am looking forward to the new dreams and desires God has placed in our hearts. I would love to be in our new house by now, but we are all completely content in this one and believe that God has a great reason for keeping us here.

Capper will have his last playtime with his grief counselor this week. Although this special time will be over he will always have the memory book that he and the counselor worked on together. A lot of us were worried about how Capper would cope with the loss of Anellah, they were very close, closer than many siblings. He has done so well, he still talks about her every day but he doesn't talk about her coming back. He seems to understand that she is gone forever and he had a great time with her and he will get to have a great time with her when he goes to heaven too. He doesn't ask to go to heaven and doesn't ask much about where she is now but definitely talks about their past experiences together and things she liked. I know, most people would say these concepts are too big for a three year old but however he is processing it, he seems to understand to the extent that he needs to.

We want to continue to honor Anellah and the way she contributed to who the four of us are today. We spread her ashes on Saturday, at our property where we plan to build so that she will forever be a part of that home although she will never get to live there. Daniel and I also started reading some of the memories we asked friends to write down at her memorial service. They were so beautiful and we will cherish them. It is incredible how quickly the memories fade but these written notes keep the memories fresh.