I'm torn, I feel the hole beginning to form. I knew it would come but it doesn't really make it easier. Don't think that it means she will be moving this week or even in the next month, the social services system doesn't move that fast, but I think she WILL be moving. This has always been the plan, but then there was a hiccup and we began to think that she may not be able to live there...I dared to hope we might adopt her. Daniel and I agreed that if it came down to it, we would adopt her. Mentally I started to reform my thoughts of our future, of our family's future. Again, I started to feel that our family was complete. In my mind it would be best for her too, to stay here where she is attached rather than move again to essentially live with strangers, albeit technically relatives.
Of course life will be easier with "just two." I think I will look back and see one more time how God's timing is perfect. Maybe she will move just as we are getting busy with building the house. Our transition to a different house will be easier with a family of four instead of a family of five. But easier isn't always better. And thinking about her moving is hard. I know it's hard for her too, as her preschool mind tries to make sense of it all. Capper makes plans to "drive out and pick you up when I'm old enough to drive" so that they can visit. She just gets quiet.
So through the process we go. And for today we will have fun and live summer. And as for tomorrow, well it comes back AGAIN to, I will trust.