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Friday, June 12, 2015

Milestones

On the day when many of my friends celebrated their child's last day of kindergarten...on the day when she would have smiled proudly at everyone during kindergarten graduation...on this day of milestones, I too celebrated one last time. I celebrated one last trip to Seattle Children's Hospital. One last appointment for Medical Record number 984839 (Oakland) or 1136875 (Seattle). Yes I have them memorized, yes we spent a lot of time in hospitals and a lot of time on the phone when I needed those numbers. This day of milestones, this day when I sat down and reviewed the autopsy results with her doctor...confirming what we had hypothesized and affirming that we made the right decision.

I know a lot of Moms out there feel ambivalent today: happy their son or daughter completed such an instrumental year in school but sad to see him or her grow up so quickly. I feel ambivalent too. I am happy knowing it's unlikely I will frequent children's hospitals again. Happy that my daughter was a fighter but when she and her body decided it was tired, the process happened quickly. Happy that my daughter is celebrating in heaven. And of course I am sad, I am sad that we didn't get to celebrate her kindergarten graduation together and sad that there are a MILLION things we never got to do that I'd envisioned. I am even a bit sad to know I won't be going to Children's hospitals anymore because there can be such camaraderie there.

So when I got home and the blood mobile was still parked in the center of town I walked in. And I gave blood, joyfully. Thankful that my pint of blood will be able to make a difference in someone's life when they need it most. Every time Anellah received a transfusion I thought of the people whose very body it had come from. And I silently thanked them. Today I hope my contribution will be as instrumental as the many units that we received over the years.

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