His Prescence in the Pendulum

Isn't it interesting to look back? Look back and remind yourself of His Faithfulness? I remember hearing the hymn, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" over and over in my mind as I was in the PICU with Anellah during her last hours. When I knew she would never come home, I knew He was faithful. A year and a half ago it seemed like everything in our lives was getting in order. We lived where we wanted to live, we had our three kids, our oldest was in kindergarten, we were choosing flooring and finishing details on the plans for our house, Daniel had a good job and I was focused on savoring our last newborn. But a year ago, that all changed. Our house plans were on hold while we struggled with bureaucracy, Daniel still had a good job but was starting to get burned out, we now only had two kids and had no clue if we were going to have more someday. Amidst the grief over the loss of our daughter, there was the grief of where we thought we were headed in life, and discovering that that had all come to a crashing halt.

Currently, our house site doesn't look like much!

So here we are again, just one year later. Again, we are a family of five. This time with Sweetie here to keep life just crazy enough to remind me that I'm not in control. Daniel has a job he really enjoys. I have more than enough paying work to keep me busy while still spending lots of time as a Mom. And our house...it is finally moving forward. Today we submitted for building permits! Just in time for regulations to change on Monday. We've requested that our application be expedited which is expensive but worth the cost if it means we can begin digging a foundation before winter rather than waiting until next spring.

Here we are again, with kids who love life, kids who know how to remind you that you are a fool for thinking you have life figured out, kids who remind you that the struggle to "control your anger" is real...for them and for me! Four months ago I prayed that God would prepare us for our foster placement and prepare him or her for us. I don't think anyone could have chosen a better fit. Sweetie and Capper are stuck like glue. Both are kind of annoyed in the morning if they are the first one up because they have to wait for their playmate to get up before they can REALLY begin their daily adventures!

Part of the reason I wanted to get this in words is to remind myself that God is FAITHFUL. I want so badly to see the future, to KNOW what our family blueprint will be just as I know what our house blueprint will be. I want to know the great plans he has for our family.

How many foster children will pass through our home and how long will they stay? How many kids will we look back on when we are retired and thank God that we could parent them? Will our house ever get built? Will our house stay clean like I envision it being? Will our kids grow up to be healthy and strong and kind? I want someone to answer these questions but instead I need to trust. Remember from January? This is the year of TRUST. So when I begin to doubt, when I begin to feel sorry for myself for the shattered dreams, when I begin to feel anxious about the future, I will choose to trust. Choose to trust that God's got this, and He's not going to let us down.