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Friday, April 24, 2015

#AnellahSmiles


And then you're home...and it's like you never left because the medicine dropper is still where you left it on the nightstand, and the ballerina boots are still where they were kicked off last time she wore them, and your other kids are just happy to have their Mommy home...so you eat your dinner. And you think maybe she is just taking a nap, resting like she has done so much in the last month. So you put your baby to bed, you put your preschooler to bed, they don't question it because she hasn't been home for awhile now. And you go outside, seeing the new life. The goat that was born the week the chaos started. The pea plants that are growing from seeds she carefully planted. The chickens that started laying eggs today, the chickens she named "Jessica" and "Orangie" and "Cookie". As if they were primed to give this daily reminder, one more reminder, one more ritual, one more thing she loved.

You wonder what it will feel like...wonder when the "mundane" you said you missed will return. But now you don't really want it to. Because you don't really feel like anything has changed. Your head tells you she isn't coming home, that you held her today while she breathed her last, that you experienced that one thing you always said you couldn't imagine going through. But your heart says she'll never really leave. Her smiles will always shine. If this really happened how can you feel such peace??

You think about your expanding family...in the past 8 months growing from four to five and back to four. But you know it's not really "back." That it will never be back. That she's been asking about heaven. That she wanted to make sure she brought her meter and sensor and of course her pump. But she doesn't need those now, that's what you told her, you won't need those there. It was a cute conversation...but now you realize it was more than cute. It was crucial. That long before we could see what was coming, God was preparing her heart. That long before the hard decisions were made, someone wrote a letter. A letter with a worn page from a devotional book, a letter with the exact words you needed to read. A letter that arrived today.

And you know that Anellah Smiles.

9 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. I'm so sorry. Peace be with Anellah and peace be with you and your family through this time.

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  3. Thinking about all of you, and praying for you during this difficult time. She will be missed.

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  4. Words cannot express how sorry we are for your loss of beautiful Anellah. We knew her through parties at Lindsey and Fred's and she was a sweetie! There is a special place in heaven for little Anellah. Our prayers are with all of you.

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  5. I offer my prayers and send our love to your family. I believe in God's plan in every aspect of our lives and I believe that God chose your family to bring Anellah the most joyful and blessed life she could have had. You have an amazing beautiful heart Lindsey and I hope you find continued peace in knowing Anellah Is already making heaven a bit brighter.

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  6. Shedding tears at this loss, and sending so much love to her, you and your family<3 your reflections and endless acts of generous compassion have been moving. Thank you. She was blessed to have had you, as you were her. She will live on forever in memories, and in the energy she set into motion in the seeds she planted and lives she touched, the smiles she inspired and inspires still.

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  7. We are crying with you. We are very sorry and will miss her. May God's peace be with you.
    Love
    Paul and kb

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  8. Our family has just learned of Anellah's passing from Fall City Elementary's email. Two of our children attend FCES (4th and 5th grades), but were aware and inspired by Anellah since they're youngest sister is also medically complex and attends 2nd grade at Cascade View Elem. We are so very sorry for your loss and wish we had a chance to know Anellah better before her passing. I've only just discovered your blog ... you are amazing. Such a blessing to have even been touched by your stories here. Wishing you peace and love in her memories.

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